SSRPG Yearbook Term 50
Slytherin Head of House
To say that the term went a little different than anyone predicted would be quite the understatement. One by one we saw the termination of many of our beloved professors, including our Astronomy professor and Slytherin Head of House, Kalen Kennedy. After a tense Astronomy lesson, Kennedy was fired for not following the rules that the Headmaster had set out for them and was replaced by some less-interesting-to-look-at French guy that really gave a lot of people the creeps. I talked to Maxton Carden, the Slytherin Prefect, and asked him what he thought about the whole thing, and in specific, how he felt about our beloved Head of House getting fired. “Sure, I miss him. But mostly, I feel bad for him... Poor bloke must be put off tea and hot chocolate for life. Imagine that?”
Slytherin prefects
Who has got two thumbs, a mop of blonde hair, and a flighty personality? That would be sixth year, Maxton Carden and for some reason, Hawthorne saw him fit to be made a Prefect this year… Meaning yours truly was forced to interview him for all of you. He might seem a little off, but don’t let him fool you. Carden is a Slytherin through and through. But if you ask me, I’m pretty sure he was a squirrel in a past life. Anyway, here’s what skinny, blonde boy-wonder had to say!
Maxton Carden, a PREFECT? I think I speak for all of Hogwarts when I say, I did not see that one coming. How’d you feel when you saw the badge?*
Ummmm. Well. That’s a bit rude. You’re not wrong…. but still. I was kinda shocked too though, I won’t lie. My folks got me a huge steak to celebrate though, so it was all worth it.
Rumor has it that Scrimgeour let Prefects take points away. What’d you do with all that power?*
I wouldn’t really call it power. I’d rather a SUPERpower, that’d be neat. Prefects should get superpowers instead.*
Anyway, here's the part of the interview where we're going to get deep 'n personal. Why do you hate flying so much?
Really????? Do we have to?? So what if I don’t like to fly? Not everyone likes to fly….. I don’t get why everyone makes such a big deal out of it. Are there many more questions left? Because this is dumb.*
Geeeez, you don't have to be so fussy! You always look like one of those nervous chihuahua’s… no offense.*What do you do to relax?
You can’t just say no offense to get away with saying something offensive, that’s not how it works. The Prefect’s bathroom is pretty good for relaxing though……
Speaking of which, what's the best time of day to use it? And can you do me a solid and share the password?
I said it’s RELAXING. It won’t be relaxing anymore if you’re snooping around. Nice try, Spinnet but no chance, not happening.
Fine. I'll figure it out on my own. Moving forward! This year was pretty whack, but there were plenty of highlights, too. What was one of yours?
Ummmm. I should say something that won’t get me into trouble, right? Uhhhhhh….. making shoe polish in Potions. Let’s pretend that was a highlight.
Excluding me, of course, who is the best kisser in all of Hogwarts?*
Does everything I say right now actually get printed in the yearbook? Yeah? Okay! Zoryn Spinnet kisses like a flobberworm that got squished on the bottom of a muddy old boot. Go on, go ahead and print THAT.
I’m gonna pretend like your opinion actually matters, so if roles were reversed and you were a Professor… Which class would you most want to teach and which Professors (from the past or present) would you want as your students?*
That’s easy. Professor Vance and Headmistress Hawthorne. I’d choose to teach Charms and Chaaaaarm them. Hah, get it? ………….wait, you’re not actually gonna print that bit are you? Don’t.
Obviously the best part about being prefect is getting the bathroom, but what’s the WORST part? I want all the juicy details, so spill the tea!
I like coffee better than tea but uhhhh. I guess like…. the responsibility? You’re expected to be on your best behaviour and set a good example all the time and that can be tough sometimes.*
Which of your fellow student leaders was easiest to work with? Who was the hardest to work with?*
This sounds like gossiping and I don’t like gossip. Next question. Oh. That’s it? All done? About time. See ya.
Maxton Carden, a PREFECT? I think I speak for all of Hogwarts when I say, I did not see that one coming. How’d you feel when you saw the badge?*
Ummmm. Well. That’s a bit rude. You’re not wrong…. but still. I was kinda shocked too though, I won’t lie. My folks got me a huge steak to celebrate though, so it was all worth it.
Rumor has it that Scrimgeour let Prefects take points away. What’d you do with all that power?*
I wouldn’t really call it power. I’d rather a SUPERpower, that’d be neat. Prefects should get superpowers instead.*
Anyway, here's the part of the interview where we're going to get deep 'n personal. Why do you hate flying so much?
Really????? Do we have to?? So what if I don’t like to fly? Not everyone likes to fly….. I don’t get why everyone makes such a big deal out of it. Are there many more questions left? Because this is dumb.*
Geeeez, you don't have to be so fussy! You always look like one of those nervous chihuahua’s… no offense.*What do you do to relax?
You can’t just say no offense to get away with saying something offensive, that’s not how it works. The Prefect’s bathroom is pretty good for relaxing though……
Speaking of which, what's the best time of day to use it? And can you do me a solid and share the password?
I said it’s RELAXING. It won’t be relaxing anymore if you’re snooping around. Nice try, Spinnet but no chance, not happening.
Fine. I'll figure it out on my own. Moving forward! This year was pretty whack, but there were plenty of highlights, too. What was one of yours?
Ummmm. I should say something that won’t get me into trouble, right? Uhhhhhh….. making shoe polish in Potions. Let’s pretend that was a highlight.
Excluding me, of course, who is the best kisser in all of Hogwarts?*
Does everything I say right now actually get printed in the yearbook? Yeah? Okay! Zoryn Spinnet kisses like a flobberworm that got squished on the bottom of a muddy old boot. Go on, go ahead and print THAT.
I’m gonna pretend like your opinion actually matters, so if roles were reversed and you were a Professor… Which class would you most want to teach and which Professors (from the past or present) would you want as your students?*
That’s easy. Professor Vance and Headmistress Hawthorne. I’d choose to teach Charms and Chaaaaarm them. Hah, get it? ………….wait, you’re not actually gonna print that bit are you? Don’t.
Obviously the best part about being prefect is getting the bathroom, but what’s the WORST part? I want all the juicy details, so spill the tea!
I like coffee better than tea but uhhhh. I guess like…. the responsibility? You’re expected to be on your best behaviour and set a good example all the time and that can be tough sometimes.*
Which of your fellow student leaders was easiest to work with? Who was the hardest to work with?*
This sounds like gossiping and I don’t like gossip. Next question. Oh. That’s it? All done? About time. See ya.
Female prefect role was filled by NPC character Destiny St. James